Gender Roles in Relationships

Relationships provide a great arena to examine gender roles and gender dynamics. Given the importance of individuality and the growing emphasis on feminist thought in our society, it is amazing to see the "old-fashioned" attitudes of US citizens toward relationships and the homogeneity of relationship dynamics.

At the end of class today, we started talking about the idea of "chivalry" and its role in egalitarian heterosexual relationships. This is something that has bothered me for a while, but I found a lot of clarity in our discussion. The basic idea of equality in a relationship does not have to center around specific roles or actions that each person does; rather, it is about reciprocity and mutual respect. A woman can clean and a man can chop firewood if that is what the woman and man desire and those are the roles that each one decides to fulfill. In my family, my mom brings in a larger paycheck, but my dad has greater job security and they have found a balance that appeals to them. In terms of housework, my mom does do more than my dad, but my dad has always been in charge of driving the kids around. A balance in contribution to the relationship and the family (if there is a family) is an important part of an egalitarian relationship. The other key part is the respect shared by the couple. A man can be chivalrous and open the door for a woman without demeaning her. A woman can iron a man's shirt without being oppressed. It is not the action itself, but the motivation that causes problems. A man should not open the door for a woman because women aren't strong enough or because "that's what men do". He should do it because he cares for her and because it makes her happy. A woman should not iron a man's shirt because as a man he is incapable or because it is her job as a woman. She should do it because she wants to do something nice for the person she loves and she knows it will be appreciated. The lines are blurry, but I think this is a vital point in studying gender roles and, more personally, for having a strong and egalitarian relationship.